Question: I want to divorce my husband because I'm pretty sure he's cheating on me with some “cougar” and I want to get some of his 401 (k) and IRA when we break-up. I've noticed that my husband's lost interest in me. We never really talk anymore and when we're alone he just drinks a lot and smokes weed. Then he goes to sleep and snores.
I got a friend of mine whose husband works on computers to tell me what websites my husband's been visiting. He said that he is always on “cougar” websites.
I knew my husband was always researching cougars, but I just thought that he was interested in the animal. I mean they are beautiful cats, big and fast. I feel so naïve and stupid because I once asked him why he kept looking up stuff on the internet about cougars, and he always said that he's interested in the outdoors and heard that cougars were an endangered species. He said he wanted to help the cougar survive and thrive.
But what I've come to find out is that he was really looking for women. I had no idea some women are known as cougars. Now I know that they are older women seeking relationships with younger men.
I've found out that he was on cougar dating websites trying to find ladies almost every night. I know he went out with some of these cougars because he started to come home late several nights a week and when I asked him what he was doing, he said he was at his friend's house watching sports. But he could never tell me which teams were playing; he doesn't even like sports.
I really want to know how I can get some of his 401 (k) and his IRA in the divorce. I think both those retirement accounts have some money in them which I'm going to need to go back to nursing school and start a catering business here in Alpharetta.
J.P. in Alpharetta, GA
Answer: If you get a divorce, your divorce lawyer will have to negotiate to get a share of your husband's 401 (k) and his IRA. Although both are retirement accounts, they are divided in different ways in a divorce. A 401 (k) is divided, or split, using a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (a QDRO). An IRA (or Individual Retirement Account), on the other hand, can be apportioned without a QDRO.